Growing Old!!

[Mn_Wc07]

STORY ONE:
************
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for
a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have
him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the
gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman came
back in a month time to the doctor and the doctor said,
'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really
pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
I've changed my will three times!'

STORY TWO:
************
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to
the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and
I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're
about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my
pants.'

STORY THREE:
**************
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's
house, and after eating, the wives left the table
and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,
'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and
it was really great. I would recommend it very
highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the
restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally
said, 'What is the name of that flower you give
to someone you love? You know... The one that's
red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He
then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,
'Rose, what's the name of that restaura! nt we went to last night?'

STORY FOUR:
*************
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for
patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse,
I found one elderly gentleman already dressed
and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his
feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to
leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he
reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was
meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs
in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

STORY FIVE:
************
Couple in their nineties are both having problems
remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that
they're physically okay, but they might want to
start writing things down to help them remember
Later that night, while watching TV, the old
man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so
you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.
Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget
it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of
ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll
forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it
down, I can remember it!
Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream -
I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about
20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen
and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

STORY SIX:
***********
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old
buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I! know he r?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

STORY SEVEN:
**************
Three old guys are out walking....
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

STORY EIGHT:
***************
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought
a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's
state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What
kind is it?'
'Time is twelve thirty.'

STORY NINE:
************
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the
doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking
down the street with a gorgeous young woman on
his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to
Morris and said, 'You're really doing great,
aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said,
Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

One more. . !

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice
cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully,
up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he
ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

 

[Avaldemon]

:lmao: last one was :hilarious: