Illness/Death of a Client

[MissBieber]

Hey all, I've had my first client inform that she is seriously ill last week and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind since.  I've never lost a client to death and was wondering if anyone had.  I think this is a highly emotional issue based on the nature of our work but something that may happen to all of us at some point in our careers.  I think I'd like to see what sort of experiences people have had, dealt with finding out a client is ill, working with them through their illness and possibly leading up to their death.   I would personally be interested in how others have worked through these issues as I suspect it may soon be happening to me but I am also thinking that I may want to work through these events as I have with other problems by writing about it and potentially submitting my ramblings to one of the trades (if any will publish it).  I'd like everyone to know this in advance so that if you don't wish to share your stories (possibly beyond our little group), you may choose not to comment.  I'd also like to know what sort of experiences any of you have had with working with expectant mothers (the polar opposite, if you will) of my quandry.  You may publish what you'd like to say here or email me directly at [email protected].   Thanks in advance for your help and information.   All my best, always, Joe E.  

 

[samld021]

Joe,I understand your situation, and no one can really prepare us for this, but you know the outcome already.  I currently have a grandmother who is very ill and I want to give her brief massages, but I have yet to do so, due to the fact I can't/don't want to see her suffer through her cancer(thank you nicotine.)  Family is always more tough.Understand that you are providing a very special treatment to your client, and that she would only suffer more if you were'nt there for her.  You should feel honored by this, for she came to you for your touch and stress relief during this time.Provide her the best massages you can give.  It will not be very easy, but she is in good hands, for you are concerned about this, and that says a lot of you.David

 

[BabyGirl05]

Illness/Death of a Client

I think my biggest piece of advice is to hold sacred space. Allow her to get fully in touch with herself. Know you may be one of the very few people who is willing to touch her at this time. What a great gift she is giving you!Honor and nurture yourself. It might be a good idea to book a little extra time after her appointments so you can process your feelings before moving on.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Illness/Death of a Client

Joe,Take a look at one of DEE's postings on massageresource.com. I believe it was she that had a client pass away. I just recently had a booking from a gal who is dying of breast cancer. She has struggled, triumphed and struggled again off & on over the last 13 years. She came to me via gift certificate, given to her by her daughter-in-law (who also was a gift certificate recipient!).I just recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, so the morning of the session I was in a real emotional state (hormones, etc). I am also a very, very emotional sort of person anyway. I had to have my husband join me in the shower (don't go in the gutter with this!) to talk to me while I cried a little bit. I knew I would be able to give this gal a bit of touch time that didn't include pain, doubt, fear, etc, but I was a bit scared on a very primal level. Anyway, my husband just said how great it'd be for that woman to just float away on the sounds of the ocean, listen to music, enjoy the aromatherapy & have a soothing massage. He just reminded me that I had a special invitation to touch her balding head with love, rub her shoulders with a confident and calming touch, etc. It was great. She had such a beautific smile as she left. She may not be able to come back. She is 'hearty' right now because of the prednisone they are giving her, but she is 'very tired', as she puts it. I got the feeling that she might let go of the fight soon.I was so proud that she could see that we are doing a fundraiser for Breast Cancer (in combination with Yoplait Yogurt) by our display in the lobby, and I was so glad that her massage went well & that she was happy.Jill/Sagetherapist

 

[nl_inc2000]

OMG Jill congrats!  I was wondering how you were doing. ;DSo give us the details!  Hope all is well.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Illness/Death of a Client

I had a client pass away a few years ago. I started to see her, due to her oncologist. After having surgery for colon cancer, the disease then spread to about 50% of her internal organs VERY rapidly. Her doctor told her it was only a matter of time. There was nothing else they could do, and she should live life to the fullest that her body would allow. She started with me at once a week for 2 weeks, then came 2 or 3 times per week for 4 weeks. After that she was just too weak to come in. I offered housecalls, but didn't push. 3 weeks later, I got a letter from her husband, saying she passed, and he thanked me for being there for her in her time of need. Although I didn't know her well, this touched me deeply, and I wept and wept. She never spoke in detail of her condition. I saw scars from surgeries, but never asked all the questions I usually do. What's the point? She wasn't a talker. I suppose she figured that the massage was a time not to think about it and I'm honored to have been involved in such special moments at the end. All I can say is it was extremely emotional to read that letter and unfortunately, it'll probably happen again, in some way or another. But if we can help people in those last days of life, we can ease the suffering, and learn from it. It not only made me a better therapist, but a better person.

 

[Kati]

Thanks to all who responded.  I appreciate you taking the time to share your personal thoughts on such a sensitive subject.   All my best, Joe E.

 

[AngelFace]

Illness/Death of a Client

Jill/sagetherapist, I have a situation that I could use some advice on...1) I have been caring for a terminally ill brain cancer patient for the last 8 months-she's already lived twice as long as her disease is projected to last. Anyway I didn't know if I could handle it since we're similar in age, interests, etc... but I have grown to love her. What things could you suggest for a terminal client?2) I'm closing a private solo practice after 1 yr. because I can't afford the overhead-and I'm considering a salon/dayspa. The owner will use some system through a Minneapolis seminar that puts LMT's, estheticians, and cosmetologists on the same % based "level" system. My cut starts at 45% and can change depending on my customer volume. They also require "cross-selling"-and each person must make a certain sales quota.On the other hand, she supplies desk help, linens, products, I just have to tell her when I'm available and then show up. I have asked for some type of contract and she wants me to put something together. Do you have any example i might be able to tweak? Any other words of wisdom?I'm a little shy of agreeing to this totally-I would be a I.C.-but not take payments or be in charge of scheduling clients.She originally suggested 50%, but changed that after talking to another salon owner on the same system. (Ironically, the salon owner that tipped her off is the sister of the terminally ill patient that I see.)PHEW!!I wonder if i would just be better off paying a flat fee to a chiropracter? I have plans to become a naturopathic Dr. anyway and be in a clinical setting. Antbody else's comments are also welcome.kellygreen

 

[Kelsey Ann]

Illness/Death of a Client

Because of the nature of our work, I believe we are all more in tune with what people are feeling, sending out, etc. I worked for a salon a couple yrs back, and had a terminally ill cancer pt I did outcalls for. me and another woman would go to her house, I'd do massage, she'd do a maniure and pedicure for her. i came to work one day to be told "you wont be getting any more money from THAT client". I was FLOORED. Not about the money, but the mean way I had been told she had passed away. I remember crying, (she had gone deaf, she couldnt hear me) while I was workin on her. You can feel it, ya know? Not all sorrow, but like crying because YOU know that THEY know their time is almost up, and they have come to terms. I'm not sure if this makes any sense. I wouldnt trade working on terminally ill clients for anything in the world.

 

[Randal]

Illness/Death of a Client

The only link I found to "Dee's" posts as mentioned above:

The Massage & Bodywork Resource Center   » Miscellaneous Discussions   » General Discussion Area   » Death & Massage

http://www.massageresource.com/ubbcgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=1&t=000333