StarStruckk Is A Monstur!
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Now I know.
I've driven past that bright DIAMOND BODYCARE sign on E Hastings many times, wondering about the erotic marvels I was missing. And tonight I finally go in.
Looking for reviews I found nothing very recent or detailed but did stumble upon this post from 2 yrs ago: http://www.eforum.xxx.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=49171
These days I feel so cocky about pooning that I ignore the discreet back entrance through the parkade and enter through the front door—never mind a group of female window-shoppers at the adjacent bridal store. The spacious reception area even has a Christmas tree. I'm met by a sueforum.xxxusty, provocatively dressed Asian lady with lots of slutty makeup; in her late 30s, I'd guess. Her very first words seem a bit strange: "You want to stay?"
"Don't know yet," I say, "tell me your name." She calls herself Maya and she's from Malaysia. I ask who else is available, and she says, "Just me tonight." Even though stocky and monster-boobed isn't exactly my favorite body type I dimly remember poonpro's glowing praise and give Maya $.5 for the 45 min all-inclusive.
My room has no shower, but it's nicely decorated. "You want to take a shower?" Maya asks as if she didn't care—perhaps a tell-tale sign about the level of intimacy to follow. "No, I just took a bath," I say.
She chats with me in passable English while starting with a pleasant back massage. After about 5 min I flip over. She promptly strips naked and agrees to stretch out beside me on the massage table. But she doesn't exactly melt into my arms, and her skin feels surprisingly sweaty.
Then my optimism receives its first real blow. No kissing her lips or any other part of her face. Her breasts are off limits even to the gentlest touch. "I'm ticklish today," she says. Absolutely no DIGITS; in fact, she keeps her kitty inaccessible between rather ample, clamped-shut thighs. And my request to get me hard with her hand runs into total lack of enthusiasm.
I switch into "salvage what you can" mode. Staying good-humored I ask her to assume my default arousal position: to lie back and stroke her shaven kitty while I whip Tantalizer into throbbing rigidity. "Talk dirty to me," I say, and she obliges by repeating the rather cute expression, "Dick me, dick me, dick me."
No DATY permitted; not that I feel so inclined, given our lack of erotic connection. She rolls on the condom and offers me a CBJ which, however, won't keep Tantalizer at cruising altitude. So I proceed to MISH but feel a squishy hollowness rather than any kind of snug squeeze. She doesn't want to put her legs up or down, but keeps them in a somewhat awkward mid-air position.
We move on to a rather sluggish CG—one of those CGs where Tantalizer doesn't feel adequate friction inside the kitty. Her off-limits boobs look saggy with shriveled nipples. But on to doggie next...and here I experience about 2 min of enjoyable pumping, the highlight of our tryst for me.
I decide to test her CBJ skills, now that Tantalizer is fully fired up. Nice guy that I am, I want to replace the foul-tasting Trojan with a taste-neutral Lifestyle. Maya misinterpets my willingness to change condoms as implying that I've had my first orgasm. She points to a tiny bit of foamy lubricant inside the condom as her evidence and immediately jumps off the massage table to call it quits.
"Hey," I say, "I swear I didn't come." A rather nasty quarrel ensues. "You supposed to come just once," she insists. "I'm cheap girl, but not that cheap. You not allowed come two, three times."
Finally she agrees to finish me with a HJ. I guess she's used to circumcised cocks because she manhandles the hell out of my precious, sensitive joystick. I end up doing what I've done just once before in my pooning career: I jerk myself off to completion, using my favorite Asian bordello fantasy, while she just lies there dead fish-style.
Maya wants to leave while I get dressed, but I prevail on her to stay. I can't help thinking to myself, "What a lazy, ugly, stupid slug"—but outwardly I try to make civilized post-coital conversation. "How long have you worked at Diamond?" I ask. "Four years," she says. I ask if it gets busy, and she admits, not usually.
She says she makes just a little money, enough to survive. "Perhaps you don't really like this job any more," I say.
"There's nothing else I can do," she answers. The air between us seems heavy with sadness and mutual dislike.
"You know you didn't make me happy tonight, Maya," I say.
"I don't care," she replies bluntly. I hurry to leave, barely 35 min after my arrival.
Maya is my 2nd worst pooning experience in 2 yrs (I had an even worse one at nearby CLOUD 9 last year). From a narrowly hedonistic perspective I'm tempted to feel annoyed at such lackadaisical service.
But from the standpoint of my wider project—to use this hobby as a springboard for understanding life—can I not treat it as a learning experience? Pooning is the ideal hobby only for those of us who embrace both the good and the bad, who like to live and learn, who can savor both winning and losing. A near rip-off experience like this makes me appreciate quality providers all the more.
What about poonpro's glowing reports of Maya from years past? I don't think we have simply a case of YMMV here. Most likely, too many years of soulless "dicking" have finally destroyed the talent Maya once had, possibly her only talent.
My rating: L5, A3, S4. My nomination for the "Lousy Lay" award of the year.
I've driven past that bright DIAMOND BODYCARE sign on E Hastings many times, wondering about the erotic marvels I was missing. And tonight I finally go in.
Looking for reviews I found nothing very recent or detailed but did stumble upon this post from 2 yrs ago: http://www.eforum.xxx.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=49171
These days I feel so cocky about pooning that I ignore the discreet back entrance through the parkade and enter through the front door—never mind a group of female window-shoppers at the adjacent bridal store. The spacious reception area even has a Christmas tree. I'm met by a sueforum.xxxusty, provocatively dressed Asian lady with lots of slutty makeup; in her late 30s, I'd guess. Her very first words seem a bit strange: "You want to stay?"
"Don't know yet," I say, "tell me your name." She calls herself Maya and she's from Malaysia. I ask who else is available, and she says, "Just me tonight." Even though stocky and monster-boobed isn't exactly my favorite body type I dimly remember poonpro's glowing praise and give Maya $.5 for the 45 min all-inclusive.
My room has no shower, but it's nicely decorated. "You want to take a shower?" Maya asks as if she didn't care—perhaps a tell-tale sign about the level of intimacy to follow. "No, I just took a bath," I say.
She chats with me in passable English while starting with a pleasant back massage. After about 5 min I flip over. She promptly strips naked and agrees to stretch out beside me on the massage table. But she doesn't exactly melt into my arms, and her skin feels surprisingly sweaty.
Then my optimism receives its first real blow. No kissing her lips or any other part of her face. Her breasts are off limits even to the gentlest touch. "I'm ticklish today," she says. Absolutely no DIGITS; in fact, she keeps her kitty inaccessible between rather ample, clamped-shut thighs. And my request to get me hard with her hand runs into total lack of enthusiasm.
I switch into "salvage what you can" mode. Staying good-humored I ask her to assume my default arousal position: to lie back and stroke her shaven kitty while I whip Tantalizer into throbbing rigidity. "Talk dirty to me," I say, and she obliges by repeating the rather cute expression, "Dick me, dick me, dick me."
No DATY permitted; not that I feel so inclined, given our lack of erotic connection. She rolls on the condom and offers me a CBJ which, however, won't keep Tantalizer at cruising altitude. So I proceed to MISH but feel a squishy hollowness rather than any kind of snug squeeze. She doesn't want to put her legs up or down, but keeps them in a somewhat awkward mid-air position.
We move on to a rather sluggish CG—one of those CGs where Tantalizer doesn't feel adequate friction inside the kitty. Her off-limits boobs look saggy with shriveled nipples. But on to doggie next...and here I experience about 2 min of enjoyable pumping, the highlight of our tryst for me.
I decide to test her CBJ skills, now that Tantalizer is fully fired up. Nice guy that I am, I want to replace the foul-tasting Trojan with a taste-neutral Lifestyle. Maya misinterpets my willingness to change condoms as implying that I've had my first orgasm. She points to a tiny bit of foamy lubricant inside the condom as her evidence and immediately jumps off the massage table to call it quits.
"Hey," I say, "I swear I didn't come." A rather nasty quarrel ensues. "You supposed to come just once," she insists. "I'm cheap girl, but not that cheap. You not allowed come two, three times."
Finally she agrees to finish me with a HJ. I guess she's used to circumcised cocks because she manhandles the hell out of my precious, sensitive joystick. I end up doing what I've done just once before in my pooning career: I jerk myself off to completion, using my favorite Asian bordello fantasy, while she just lies there dead fish-style.
Maya wants to leave while I get dressed, but I prevail on her to stay. I can't help thinking to myself, "What a lazy, ugly, stupid slug"—but outwardly I try to make civilized post-coital conversation. "How long have you worked at Diamond?" I ask. "Four years," she says. I ask if it gets busy, and she admits, not usually.
She says she makes just a little money, enough to survive. "Perhaps you don't really like this job any more," I say.
"There's nothing else I can do," she answers. The air between us seems heavy with sadness and mutual dislike.
"You know you didn't make me happy tonight, Maya," I say.
"I don't care," she replies bluntly. I hurry to leave, barely 35 min after my arrival.
Maya is my 2nd worst pooning experience in 2 yrs (I had an even worse one at nearby CLOUD 9 last year). From a narrowly hedonistic perspective I'm tempted to feel annoyed at such lackadaisical service.
But from the standpoint of my wider project—to use this hobby as a springboard for understanding life—can I not treat it as a learning experience? Pooning is the ideal hobby only for those of us who embrace both the good and the bad, who like to live and learn, who can savor both winning and losing. A near rip-off experience like this makes me appreciate quality providers all the more.
What about poonpro's glowing reports of Maya from years past? I don't think we have simply a case of YMMV here. Most likely, too many years of soulless "dicking" have finally destroyed the talent Maya once had, possibly her only talent.
My rating: L5, A3, S4. My nomination for the "Lousy Lay" award of the year.
♀
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