Truth In Advertising In Royal Bodywork

[Foggy Idea]

Funny...I never seem to have a shortage of hard-ons...even in situations where I sort of wish in retrospect I hadn't been able to get it up...

 

[metime]

one of your better reads

man, considering the places you've been, I can't imagine lower quality. I'd had experiences in amp where there was some struggle for me get it up

 

[Big Time Sensuality]

What's horrifying is that I could more easily have had a half hour of uninspired FS with a significantly hotter girl for the same cost at any midtown kmp.

 

[Lord_Darkclaw]

That was horrifying.

 

[Latina Bonita]

I'd say that's a pretty complete review...



Thanks!

 

[Pedestal 42]

Wow King- I am really impressed with your writing. Its entertaining and kept pulled my short attention span until the last word!

 

[Waelfirst name Awad]

KO .. This place is the pits.. I dont have time for a full review at this moment but Ill say I did a 4 hand there recently and like a fool ended up with 2 dogs and 300 lighter. My mongering low point

 

[Samantha Broock]

I'm a sucker, born and bred. Despite having sufficient self-awareness and wherewithal to see cleanly and clearly through most advertising, I often make the decision to consciously let my guard down and deliberately indulge transparently silly salesmanship.

So it was, yesterday, when I simply couldn't resist the temptation to go to Best One Bodywork, aka Royal Bodywork, aka the place that advertised, with apparently unintentional hilarity, their "Gland Opening" on Backpage. The ad was just so entertainingly dim and obvious that I couldn't continue to tell myself not to waste my time and money there. I took the bait, the hook, the line, the rod, the reel, and the arm holding all of it.

I have said it before and I'll say it again, when I commit, I really commit, and this time I repeatedly willed myself to overlook item after item that might have stopped a smarter, wiser man in his tracks. Why? Well, I was committed...plus I kept hoping for something surprising, something that would rise above the great sea of mediocrity to justify my presence at this place.

Anyway, the place looked acceptable from the outside. Entry was discreet, assuming you don't know anyone who works or happens to be shopping at the large retail mattress store on the same floor. I caught a lady in the mattress store giving me a long judgmental glance as I waited at the door...my reaction to which was, of course, "meh."

The place was clean and decent sized - 6 rooms with doors, wood floors, table shower, all the basics.

House fee was 80, which frankly pisses me off for an ordinary place. Think of all the things you could do with that additional 10 or 20 bucks? Hell, you could buy like 600 White Castles with that.

I was handed off to a woman who called herself "Mimi" - an unattractive, middle-aged, overweight Korean lady. She seemed nice enough when she entered the room and grabbed my cock through my boxers, and even though I should probably have walked then and there, I was committed, and I stuck around.

She pulled my shorts off and gestured to the massage table. "No shower?" I asked. "No." she replied. Again, at this point, I should have exercised good judgment and put my pants back on, but I was committed and I lay face down.

Mimi proceeded to deliver one of the lamest massages I have ever received. I made a couple of weak attempts at small talk but quickly realized that her English vocabulary appeared to be limited to the following: "Yes," "No," "House money," and "Massagee". Later I found that her vocabulary was actually double that, as she turned out to know the words "how much tip" and "sex."

In any case, she went through the motions for 20 minutes or so, during which time I noticed that her hands smelled quite strongly of garlic. I wondered briefly whether perhaps she had been pulled away from her normal duties preparing lunch for the girls. Again, this was the sort of thing that in a normal person might awaken a sense of self-pride and prompt one to get off that massage table and go. But of course, I was committed (and far from normal,) and I stuck around.

Around the 15 minute mark she had me flip over and did about 10 minutes of pointless leg and chest massage before finally looking down at me and asking the age old question "Sex?" complete with a hand gesture that was far more communicative than any words in any language.

A smarter man would have said "no thank you" and moved on. I was not that man. I nodded and she used her last three English words: "how much tip?" We settled on a hundred and she went to get a condom and some lube.

Now, I have received handjobs and even blowjobs from less attractive older providers than this Mimi. Those sorts of endeavors are pretty simple, really - you close your eyes and soon enough the job is done. But as far as actually shoving my cock inside a lady of Mimi's caliber? I actually think I can say with assurance that she is probably the oldest and least attractive woman I have managed to fuck since my divorce. I wondered, momentarily, if I would even be able to get the job done.

Mimi came back and took her clothes off - she did have pretty nice tits, though her belly and wiry bush were really not appealing. I'm a guy who loves to eat pussy but...not that pussy. Hmm...this wasn't going to be easy...but then Mimi slipped the hat on with her mouth and administered some pretty solid oral and my doubts began to fade. I got hard and she jumped on top, reverse cowgirl style - a blessing really as she had her back to me and I could sort of imagine she was anyone I wanted to imagine.

She rode me that way for about 5 minutes before turning to face me and continuing for about 5 minutes more. She looked at me and made a noise like "whew," signifying that she was getting worn out. I realized, suddenly, that apparently the average time a man lasts inside one of these girls must be about 120 seconds, because after 10 minutes she was slapping her thighs like she had horrible cramps.

Perhaps some men would have considered this the end of the line and finished right there but not me, I was both stupider and more committed than ever, and I pushed her onto her back and just started banging away, missionary style, for another good solid five minutes before, mercifully, I managed to blow my load.

I lay back and looked up at the clock. 20 minutes left...should I insist on a second pop? Finally, my judgment reappeared as if via some magical divine intervention, and I got up and put my pants on.

As I exited the joint, I reconsidered the "gland opening" ads and it struck me. This was no typo. This wasn't even an example of linguistic miscegenation. Surely this was a deliberate choice made to ensure truth in advertising, because frankly, the phrase "Mediocre Opening" just doesn't fill the house the way one might hope.


http://manhattan.backpage.com/BodyRubs/sweet-sexy-asian-put-me-on-your-to-do-list-hott-hott-blonde-22/24901436

Sadly, they have changed the ad - no more "gland opening"...just other silly nonsense.

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